


Memories

by sadlullaby



Category: Bombshell (2019)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22356181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadlullaby/pseuds/sadlullaby
Summary: An immediate follow-up of the relationship between Jess and Kayla. Kayla struggles with anxiety and emotional trauma after quitting her job. Jess, dealing with her own issues, attempts to provide support for Kayla. Somewhat top-heavy with angst, but shenanigans and fluff (eventually) ensue.
Relationships: Jess Carr/Kayla Pospisil
Comments: 9
Kudos: 40





	1. The Flashbacks

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of sexual assault, workplace harassment, homophobia

I’m free, but where can I go now?

During the cab ride back to her apartment, Kayla was hit by the weight of her decision. Choosing to quit. That was impulsive, and maybe even stupid. She wasn’t sure which yet.   
Kayla watched as the city lights flickered and waned from the car window. New York already felt like a second home. It wasn’t the “raving liberal lunatic wasteland” her father had claimed, and Fox News certainly wasn’t the “sole panacea of moral righteousness.” 

Even after what she’d been through, she wasn’t planning to leave the city. She couldn’t leave her new friends. Her new life. Most of all, her new freedom. It felt good to be away from her parents’ watchful eye. Still, she was going to quickly be on the streets if she couldn’t find another job, and fast. And how did she expect to do that?

She pulled out her phone, scrolling through job listings on Indeed. Sheer luck gifted her an interview at Fox mere months prior. She was good at production, but her family no fortune to speak of, no industry connections. She was fresh out of college, with minimal experience. The interview offer from Fox came out of nowhere. Maybe fate would be kind once again.

Temp positions, internships, and part time jobs flashed across the screen. Most paid minimum wage. There were internships restricted to college students, to be paid in college credit. Tiny media startups boasting opportunities and “exposure,” but not a living wage. Low-level positions outside of her field. She’d never survive on a barista’s salary, and her chances of advancing in television would vanish. There was nothing full time that could cover her rent except –

Production Assistant, The Rachel Maddow Show. NBC Universal. $42,157/yr.  
Essential Responsibilities:   
• Work with senior staff on editorial content of nightly show  
• Produce compelling segments that include quality sound, eye-catching graphics, and headline grabbing banners  
• Participate in daily staff editorial and production meetings  
• Pitch guest ideas and on occasion, pre-interview guests  
Desired Characteristics:   
• Thorough knowledge of American politics   
• Educational background in broadcast journalism  
• Legal and/or investigating producing experience   
• Exceptional editorial skills: Ability to recognize stories with high potential for provocative, compelling television  
• Strong knowledge of social media

Kayla felt her breath catch, confronted with vivid memories of political discussions over the family dinner table. 

“Rachel Maddow is a liberal conspiracy theorist.”

“She’s a raving left-wing ideologue with no substance.” 

“The Clintons and George Soros are funding NBC behind closed doors to brainwash the youth.”

No matter how desperate she was, NBC was the last place she could work. Especially at the Rachel Maddow show. Her parents would disown her, her childhood friends wouldn’t recognize her. Frankly, she wouldn’t be able to recognize herself. Her experiences at Fox shook the faith she had in right-wing institutions, but she was still conservative to the core. Everything Maddow represented was a slap in the face to her deepest ideals.

Kayla shook her head, as if to expel the onslaught of intruding thoughts. Any job listing in TV production is bound to be full of overqualified candidates with extensive backgrounds in journalism and communications begging for scraps. And in a broadcasting company as large as NBC? Everyone and their grandmother were going to apply. It would be a long shot either way, she reasoned. Probably near impossible for a conservative midwestern girl that the lacked close connections and the Ivy League background that coveted television positions so often required. 

She closed out of the tab and jammed the phone back in her purse, wracked with self-doubt. The situation felt more hopeless than before.

Stupid. Naïve. There’s no prize for quitting your job, even a horrible, toxic job. This was the job you’ve fought for your entire LIFE. Majoring in broadcast journalism, working on the school radio, fighting your way into that Disney internship? It was all for Fox, and now I’ve thrown it all away. Or it’s been taken. Fuck. He took everything. Everything I’ve been working towards, all my dreams, any semblance of hope for the future. I’m free, but I don’t think I’ll ever be free of him. 

She looked ahead at the leather seat, choking back sudden tears. The cab felt suffocating. As she glanced around, gripping the bottom of her seat, she could feel the walls closing in.

Suddenly, she was back in that elevator. 

Her breath hitched, then quickened. The cab, the lights, everything was gone. Her heart was hammering out of her chest. All she could see was his face, leering. Kayla tried to slow her breathing, calm her heart. But she couldn’t get out. No one would rescue her. She couldn’t get out, and she knew what came next. Degradation. Fear. The suffocating reek of alcohol.

She wildly looked for something, anything, to ground herself. Time was moving in slow motion, the rush of city lights stopped. She needed to get out. She dug her nails into her thighs, and buried her face in the front seat, chest heaving. 

The driver glanced back at her. “You okay, ma’am? We’re at your stop.”

She managed a grunt of acknowledgement and handed over his tip. Walking up to her apartment, the ground beneath her feet felt unsteady. The hallway was spinning, the walls ebbing inwards. She opened the door and collapsed near the entrance, burying her face in her jacket. Slowly, her breathing became controlled. 

With shaking hands, she sent a text. It was a cry for help to the only person she could trust.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jess's phone buzzed. Jess gave an apologetic smile to Jackie, her date, before squinting down at the new text notifications. She smiled when she saw the sender. Kayla.

Jess I quit my job  
I hope this isn’t too late but I want to see you. Please  
My apartment’s at….

Jess bit her lower lip. Kayla wanted her to come over? Wow. Kayla saw the inside of her apartment not long after they first met. But this felt different, somehow.

“Sorry, can we take a raincheck? Something came up,” said Jess. Jackie rolled her eyes. “It’s always work or something with you.” “Or something,” said Jess, grinning. “I’m worth it, aren’t I?” Jackie sighed and lightly smacked her on the head. “Fine. But I expect you to make it up to me.” Jess was relieved at the relaxed tone of Jackie’s voice. “Oh, I’ll make it up to you,” she whispered, gently brushing Jackie’s earlobe with her open mouth. She smiled, feeling Jackie’s blush beneath her lips. Making a woman blush felt nice. It had been too long since she had the opportunity to seriously date someone. Far too long. But Kayla needed her.

Jess grabbed her coat and ran out the restaurant door.


	2. Chapter 2

Jess didn’t go on dates often. It was hard enough to find a safe location, and even harder to find someone safe to go out with. Online dating was a no-go, as were gay bars. She learned to be discreet during her first year at Fox, when she was spotted leaving a gay bar by a colleague. A badly spun excuse about a spontaneous bridesmaid’s party covered her ass then but ruled out the possibility of taking any further risks. Being outed simply wasn’t worth the loss of her job. Even with Roger gone, Fox had failed to change in several important aspects. Namely, Massive Homosexuals were frowned upon. Unfortunately, most girls weren’t willing to shove themselves back in the closet for her.

Jackie, an old college friend, was a wonderful exception to those rules. They met freshman year through the college newspaper, where some initial awkwardness gave way to an easy friendship. Every morning before printing, Jackie would bring a snack or treat or cup of coffee for Jess. She’d chide Jess for wearing too little and insist on sharing her sweatshirt, which always left the tantalizing smell of her perfume. And Jess would dutifully walk her to classes under a shared umbrella, casting lingering gazes after the spunky brunette. 

Throughout college, Jess tried and failed multiple times to confess her feelings and their mutual attraction went unacknowledged, save for some drunken flirtation. Since reconnecting, however, it didn’t take long for Jackie to suggest a dinner date. All despite Jess’s job at Fox and the necessary discretion said job required. Jackie was nothing short of a perfect angel, willing to overlook Jess’s stupid complicated problems. 

So why in the flying fuck was she abandoning Jackie for Kayla? Kayla was a friend, yes, but Jess had enough self-awareness to know the real reason. Her feelings were more than just friendship. She’d spent her entire high school and college career pining after straight girls. And it was happening again, despite countless promises to herself. This situation was far worse, to be honest. Crushing on a gorgeous straight girl is bad enough, but a confused gorgeous straight girl? One who’s willing to fuck you? Jess was already a goner, and she knew it.

Jess glanced down at her phone, double-checking the address. Well, she was in the right place, but she couldn’t move. Her head bounced wildly between the phone screen and the looming apartment building. She pictured Kayla walking into this building every night, passing by the spot where she stood now. Kayla, with her delicate blonde curls and long legs and tinkling laugh and big, bright eyes that opened all the way down to her soul. 

Shit. Why did women have to be so damn intimidating? Here she was, a grown-ass adult, standing out in the rain to avoid interacting with her straight-as-a-pole crush. Jess knew nothing was going to happen, which would mean nothing to worry about. But come to think of it, nothing was supposed to happen last time they went out together. 

Her phone rang, snapping Jess out of the confusing thoughts. She picked up, fumbling over every goddamn word. “Hey! Kayla, hi. Ye-es. Yes, yes, yes. I’m coming, don’t worry, I just got a little lost, I’ll be there soon. No, no, no, don’t worry about it! Seriously, no trouble for me. No trouble here, ha!” God, this was embarrassing. Jess facilitated meetings with wealthy donors, high-stakes budget negotiations, and impromptu speeches on the regular. Yet talking with a girl was near impossible. 

Gritting her teeth, Jess walked up the stairs. Don’t overthink this. Through the lobby. Don’t overthink this. Up to Kayla’s door. Jess was overthinking this, but she knocked on door anyway. The door flung open, and Kayla leapt into her arms, catching Jess completely off-guard. “Jess, you came! I just…needed to talk to someone,” said Kayla.   
“Couldn’t bear to live without me, huh?” Jess buried her head against in Kayla’s hair in an attempt to hide her flushed cheeks.

Kayla looked at Jess and grinned. “Obviously. I’d be lost without my knight in shining armor.” Her voice was light, and her lips were upturned. Yet her eyes were hollow, marked with dry tear stains and devoid of joy. 

Jess swallowed, feeling a sudden weight to the room. “Kayla, are you okay?”

Kayla’s face fell. She looked at the ground, fiddling with her sleeve. “…no. Not really. I’m scared, Jess. Scared of not finding another job. Scared I’ve ruined everything.”

Jess cut her off mid-ramble. “Stop. I know for a fact the biggest mistake you could’ve made is to stay. It’s too late for me now. Things are different for you. You’re young. You’re new. You’re not marked by Fox yet. And you’re talented and incredible and full of life. Who could turn you down?”

Kayla met Jess’s eyes, with the first genuine expression of happiness that evening. “Do you mean it?”

“Really. You’re special, Kayla. Sky’s the limit. Look, if you’re worried, I’ll help with the job search. I could look over your resume or refer you somebody. I’m sure I can help with something.” Maybe Jess couldn’t help herself, but she would sure as hell give everything to help Kayla. 

“That’s…part of the problem. You’re going to laugh at me for this…” Kayla looked uncomfortable, almost like she was hiding a dark secret. 

Hoping to lighten some of the tension, Jess interjected. “I would never laugh at you, go on.”

There was a long silence. Then Kayla began to speak again. “The only listing I found in this field with decent pay, it’s – God, I don’t think I can bring myself to even apply - it’s for the Rachel Maddow show.”

To her credit, Jess didn’t laugh. Instead, she gasped in mock horror and put on a high voice. “No! Rachel Maddow, the America-hating leftist? Goodness, where are my pearls? You could never work for liberal lesbian! Colluding with democrats to corrupt impressionable youth? I think not!”

Kayla giggled and smacked Jess on the shoulder. “Oh my god! It’s not like that, and you know it. You have a point, though. Maybe I should apply and see what happens.” Jess lowered her voice to a whisper. “Excellent! We’re always looking for new recruits for the gay agenda. I actually have a hidden shrine for Maddow behind the Hillary poster, in case you were wondering. We’re planning to overthrow half the country before Christmas.”  
Kayla was full-on laughing now, yet somehow continued to look troubled. Jess gazed at Kayla’s eyes, searching for a hint of the real problem.   
“Kayla. Is there something, I mean, is something else bothering you? You look upset,” said Jess, bringing her hand to lightly brush Kayla’s forearm.

The façade of happiness broke down in an instant. “A-actually, it’s not really about finding work. Or, that’s not the main reason I’m worried, or the main reason I asked you to come over. I, uh, I keep t-thinking back – “ Kayla began shake with dry, desperate sobs. “I keep thinking back to h-him and the elevator and that tiny room. I had a panic attack earlier. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get him out of my head, and I hate it, Jess.” 

Instinctively, Jess wrapped her arms around Kayla. “Hey, hey. You’re here now. It’s safe. Breathe with me.” She held Kayla tight, basking in her warmth. Twenty minutes ago, Jess would have been overjoyed to be in this position. But now, she could feel each of Kayla’s gasps for air between sobs. She could feel Kayla’s heart hammering, twice the speed of her own. Kayla’s pain became her own as their bodies intertwined, and Jess desperately tried to bite back tears.

Jess finally spoke again after what felt like an eternity. “Kayla, tell me five things you can see.”

Kayla took struggled through a deep breath, then began to speak softly. “The lights on the ceiling and the couch and my blue pajamas I left out on the couch from this morning and some dust bunnies from God knows when.” After several more deep breaths, Kayla spun around to face Jess before continuing to speak. “And – and this lock of hair that always covers your eyes.” Jess blushed as Kayla’s hand touched her face, sweeping said lock behind her ear. 

Together, they laid in comfortable silence for a few moments before Jess continued.  
“Four things you can touch.”


End file.
